I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
How does one acquire holy water?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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