I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I still have a little drunk in my system
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
