If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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