dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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