70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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