Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
