My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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