So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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