just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
