so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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