i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
