i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
