Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
