toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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