Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
