You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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