shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
