chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
