So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
