My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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