Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
