i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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