Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
