Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
