smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
