I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
