see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
