Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
