note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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