he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
