he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
