I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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