Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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