i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
