doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
