so explain again why im purple
no
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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