We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
he's gonorrhea incarnate
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
