I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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