Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
