hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Randomize
