Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
