I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
