You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
