I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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