Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Randomize
