I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
