I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
