I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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