I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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