Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
