could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
