Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
