she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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