WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
