Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize