i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
