I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
