Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
