Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
