I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My bed smells like the plague
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
