If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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