Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Sext me about skeletons
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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