I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm both gender and math confused
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize