I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
