we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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