chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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