We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
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