Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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