I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
