theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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