based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
