I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
