So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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