i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
