scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize