Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
