she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
