His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
